Haxrachi v Heatran: Hyperbeem v Grasskicker

Haxrachi v Heatran
Hyperbeem v Grasskicker

My name is Grasskicker. My record is usually around 1475, although on this fine day I had managed to drop from 1484 to 1463 in about three hours. This began when I won a battle and lost 5 points. I won another and lost 2 points. Things went downhill from there.

Anyway, I was feeling very down and had started BSing battles when I came across my rival Hyperbeem. When I say rival, I mean that I’ve beaten him once, and he’s schooled me the other three times. This would be my fifth match against him, and I greatly respect him as a trainer.

Some background info: Hyperbeem is something like #6 on the leader board (last I checked), and I have dropped from #83 to #101 (I’ve risen since then, but you know how quickly these things can shift). After our fourth match, in which I actually managed to beat him, I asked him for advice regarding my team. He gave me some great tips, and I modified my team accordingly. Now I was facing him again – with the team he helped me modify. Uh oh.

Green text: My narration.
Nicknames: Changed to the corresponding Pokémon after they are sent out.
This match: An actual war story this time.

Rules: Ladder Match, Sleep Clause, Freeze Clause, Something Clause, Another Clause, Technical Clause, Strict Pwnage Clause

Hyperbeem sent out Uxie (lvl 100 Uxie).
Grasskicker sent out Lassie (lvl 100 Froslass ♀).
Grasskicker: Hi there!
Hyperbeem: hey
Grasskicker: I'm on a losing streak.
Grasskicker: I dropped 21 points.
Hyperbeem: sux
Grasskicker: Yeah.
Grasskicker: It's hard.
Grasskicker: I just can't predict anymore.
Hyperbeem: your 101 now
Hyperbeem: not bad
Now to cut it with the chit-chat (I do a lot of that) and get to the actual match. Let’s look at our combatants:
Grasskicker’s 1st Pokémon
Mischievous Vesper

Lassie is my sashed lead. Froslass is my lead because she is one of the coolest Pokémon ever made and is irrevocable proof that Gen IV was amazing for more than the fact that it has the initials of my real name (Ian Vroon). She is meant to set up spikes while blocking spinners. I use Taunt to prevent setup, then take advantage of Froslass’s frailty by switching her in on a spinner and using Destiny Bond to take him down with me. Lassie has been an indispensable member of my team since the beginning, and I have found many roles for her to play. With her fantastic speed and decent special attack, her Ice Beam has finished off many a Latias and taken down Salamence with ease. Furthermore, her Taunt/Destiny Bond combo allows her to perform pseudo-phasing, forcing the opponent to switch out or suffer her undead wrath. In the meantime, I set up spikes as my opponent switches out, scouting his team while setting up. Best of all, I prevent him from setting up himself and, with a little prediction, take down a counter to my team. Lassie is phenomenal.
Hyperbeem’s 1st Pokémon
Retarded-looking Pokémon

The legendary trio was a nice way of announcing that, when it comes to legendary Pokémon, Nintendo has lost its touch. There are so many cool Pokémon in the game, and a lot of them aren’t used because some retarded elf-fairy thing is being used instead. Uxie has no right to those stats or that movepool; with its “Hello-Kitty” appearance, it should be fitter to keep Igglybuff and Cleffa company. I say the same of its two cohorts: no Pokémon that lame should be that good.
So there you have it. The two starters squaring off, each with their strengths and weaknesses. Unfortunately, I have no idea what Hyperbeem has up his sleeve, and he knows my team pretty intimately. Truth be told, I wasn’t expecting to face him at this time.
But not all is lost; I know I can use his knowledge of my team to my advantage if I move to counter what he predicts I’ll do instead of doing what I usually would. I knew this match would be very challenging, but I wasn’t about to give up.
So …what does Uxie do? Well, it sets up at times – and tricks at other times. If it’s trying to set up, my best bet would be to taunt it. If it’s going to Trick, my best bet would be to start setting up spikes or switch out. If I predict incorrectly, I’ll be in a spot of trouble.
But wait a minute! Hyperbeem knows my team; he is expecting my tactics. My best bet, then, would be to do something I wouldn’t usually consider against Uxie: switch out.
Grasskicker switched in Blitz (lvl 100 Jolteon ♂).
Its Hidden Power Type is Grass. For Pert, of course.
Uxie used Thunder Wave.
Alright. So I correctly switched in. So far, so good. The Thunder Wave wasn’t exactly what I expected, but it worked out well anyway. I figured if Trick was the case, Jolt wouldn’t mind, and I could always shoo Uxie off with Shadow Ball.
Grasskicker’s 2nd Pokémon
Sparks will fly

Jolteon is the lightning behind my thunder. Whenever I have issues with a Pokémon, I send Jolt in to clean up. If the opponent’s team is weakened enough, I may even be able to sweep. Blitz also serves to absorb lightning moves and T-waves, and his moveset allows for some interesting ways to punish just about any switch-in.
Hyperbeem: gogogo homie
This comment came after two minutes of inactivity on my part. I had been called to set the table; my family was going to eat soon, and this would probably be my last battle for awhile.
Now, however, I am pondering my next move. What to do, what to do? He has his Oopsie Uxie, and it still might be choiced, in which case he’ll switch it out. But if he switches it out, to whom will he hand the torch? Probably a ground type or something. Or maybe he isn’t choiced, and he’ll try to set up Stealth Rock anyway. I’m not sure, so I decide to go for the kill and Shadow Ball.
Jolteon used Shadow Ball.
It's super effective!
Uxie lost 59% of its health.
Jolteon lost 10% of its health. Life Orb allowed for more flexibility. I had tried Specs under Hyperbeem’s advisement, but it had cost me greatly, so I had switched back almost directly before this battle.
Uxie used Zen Headbutt.
Jolteon lost 51% of its health.
Uxie's leftovers restored its health a little!
Uxie restored 6.25% of its health.
So I predicted correctly. Excellent. His Uxie isn’t scarf’d, but it appears to be attempting an attack. I find this odd, seeing as Uxie generally prefers setup and defensive maneuvers. Still, I know it is possible he is trying to punish a switch, so I can see where this is going.
Of course, that Shadow Ball played my hand, and now there is a good bet he will switch out. But then, he might predict a switch on my part, which is often my playing style, so staying could be more reasonable. I decide to use Signal Beam, since that would KO the Uxie while punishing a dark-type switch-in.
Jolteon used Signal Beam.
It's super effective!
Uxie lost 47% of its health.
Hyperbeem's Uxie fainted.
Jolteon lost 10% of its health.
And good riddance, you marketing gimmick.
Grasskicker: The flexibility
Hyperbeem: is good yeah
Grasskicker: I think the specs were locking me in
As I suspected, he was working to setup or punish a switch-in. The world will never know which. Regardless, I outpredicted him, which was great cause for relief.
But the battle had just begun.
Hyperbeem switched in Tyranitar (lvl 100 Tyranitar ♂).
Hyperbeem’s 2nd Pokémon
Devastation incarnate

This Pokémon needs no introduction. Suffice to say, whenever you see one, there will be trouble – and usually not for the Tyranitar.
Tyranitar's Sand Stream whipped up a sandstorm! Surprise!
A sandstorm brewed! Who could have seen that coming?
Oh boy. That’s bad news. He can survive anything my Jolt packs, and his set could entail setup instead of attack. I could switch to Gliscor, but I can’t risk a Dragon Dance. On the other hand, losing my Jolteon to a scarf’d Tyranitar would be a horrible waste, and could shift the momentum to him.
But wait! I must remember that he’s operating off his knowledge of my team. And I would typically switch out to be safe in this instance. I stay in and Signal Beam to rack up as much damage as I can manage.
Jolteon used Signal Beam.
It's super effective!
Tyranitar lost 41% of its health.
Jolteon lost 10% of its health.
Tyranitar used Dragon Dance.
Tyranitar's attack was raised.
Tyranitar's speed was raised.
Whew! Good to know I can still predict sometimes. That was an awful risk. Since my 13% Jolteon has nothing to lose at this point, I’ll stay in and Signal Beam again with the only Pokémon on my team who still outruns Tyranitar.
The sandstorm rages.
Jolteon is buffeted by the sandstorm! Trivia time: Shoddy Battle misspells “buffeted” as “buffetted.” I took the liberty of correcting it in every instance. Just thought I’d point that out. Even though …you probably don’t care …at all…
Jolteon lost 6.25% of its health.
In the rest of this battle, I’ll usually be removing sandstorm damage, as it will be assumed. Likewise, after the first turn of Leftovers recovery or Life Orb recoil for a given Pokémon, I will be removing the percentage of recovery. This should make reading less tedious. Super-effective will be similar. You all know your match-ups.
Jolteon used Signal Beam.
Tyranitar lost 39% of its health.
Tyranitar used Crunch.
Jolteon’s bones were shattered.
Grasskicker's Jolteon fainted.
The sandstorm rages.
Just like this battle!
Hyperbeem: MAAAA
I have no idea what that was about, but it made me crack up. Now I had to decide on my switch-in. The choice was obvious: Soldier was going in.
Grasskicker switched in Soldier (lvl 103 Scizor ♂).
Grasskicker: Aha!
Grasskicker’s 3rd Pokémon
Ever stalwart

Scizor is my third favorite Pokémon in the game, and I probably have more experience using him than I do using any other Pokémon. I jury-rigged a set for my party that functions as half stall and half revenge killer. It has been working out very well so far, so I’ve kept it. In this case, it doesn’t take a psychic to predict the Bullet Punch.
Hyperbeem: BP my babiri berry
Scizor used Falcon Punch.
It's super effective!
Tyranitar lost 19% of its health.
Hyperbeem's Tyranitar bit the dust.
The Babiri Berry weakened Bullet Punch's power!
Wait, really? I thought he was kidding. That’s hilarious.
Scizor lost 10% of its health.
The sandstorm rages. Even though Tyranitar is dead.
Hyperbeem switched in Jirachi (lvl 100 Jirachi).
Grasskicker: :-P
Grasskicker: Sweet
These comments were regarding the Babiri berry, not the switch-in.
Hyperbeem’s 3rd Pokémon
NO! Go away!

This Pokémon is supposed to grant wishes. Well here’s one: I wish you were dead, you miserable, cheap, demented fairy. Duke it out with Uxie and leave me alone. You are the single most retarded Pokémon ever made.
Okay, so it’s Germrachi. What do I do? Should I switch? I suppose Soldier isn’t very well-equipped to handle this thing …eh, I might as well switch to Heatran. Even if Jirkrachi uses Trick, I’ll have myself a new Scarftran.
Grasskicker switched in Doctor Doom (lvl 100 Heatran ♀).
Grasskicker’s 4th Pokémon
Doctor Doom has arrived

She sets up Stealth Rock, Burns incomers like Gyarados with Will-o-wisp and has Magma Storm with Earth Power to round out coverage. Her Shuca berry also helps.
Jirachi used Thunder Wave.
Heatran is paralyzed! It may be unable to move!
The sandstorm rages.
Oh no …this is horrible. Now I have a paralyzed Heatran. Fortunately, he’s defensive, so I don’t really care. And it’s not like Haxrachi is going to flinch me to death or anything.
The question is simple: what now? Hyperbeem will almost certainly switch out. I can predict his switch and make a switch of my own, I can Will-o-Wisp the incomer, or I can set up Stealth Rock to be safe. I opt for Stealth Rock because I have nothing better to do, and I want to see his response.
Hyperbeem switched in Latias (lvl 100 Latias ♀).
Heatran used Stealth Rock.
Pointed stones float in the air around the foe's team!
The sandstorm rages.
Latias is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Latias lost 6.25% of its health.
Hyperbeem’s 4th Pokémon
I belong in Ubers!

Latias was relegated to Ubers in Smogon for a variety of good reasons. Here on Pokémon Expert, however, reason seems to escape them at times, and this is one great example. I always despise seeing Latias and Salamence on this server, and pack three Pokémon with ice moves and – for Latias – one Pokémon with a dark-type move just to rid the world of these Ubers. Not to say I dislike Latias; Latias is just fine. I simply agree with Smogon’s delineation of her as an Uber.
No …not Latias! This is very bad. What should I bring in? It might use Surf. But then, Hyperbeem could predict a switch to Vaporeon and use Thunderbolt. My Vaporeon is really my best counter to Latias, and wasting it like that could be fatal. On the other hand, if he predicts a switch, he might Calm Mind just to be safe. Since I still have two other Latias counters, I gamble and send out Vaporeon.
Grasskicker switched in Mermaid (lvl 100 Vaporeon ♀).
Grasskicker’s 5th Pokémon
Witty subtitle

Vaporeon is the heart and soul of my team. She is without question the best and most reliable Pokémon I have, and she saves my butt against almost everything. She is a hard-hitting, sturdy Pokémon who can wish off her damage and slam the opponent with a Modest almost-maxed-out special attack stat and perfect three-move coverage. She can take anything Latias throws at her and respond with a potent Ice Beam.
Its Hidden Power Type is Electric. More trivia: Shoddy incorrectly uses “it’s” instead of “its.” Again, I corrected it. Likewise with “paralyzed” misspelled as “paralysed” and “defense” misspelled as “defence.” I corrected all them errors. Yep. Like you care.
Latias used Calm Mind.
Latias's special attack was raised.
Latias's special defense was raised.
The sandstorm rages. Because that’s what sandstorms do.
Latias and Vaporeon are buffeted by the sandstorm!
Vaporeon snacked on some leftovers!
Oh boy. This variety is abusing Calm Mind to set up a sweep. Now would be a great time for Toxic, but I don’t pack it because I’m more offensively oriented. Still, I’m gonna weather the strike and see if I can deal some damage.
Hyperbeem: do you have toxic?
Grasskicker: You'll see
Hmm …is he trying to bluff me here, luring me into using Toxic? The question is moot, since I don’t carry Toxic. I decide to stick with Plan A and use Ice Beam. He probably won’t switch out.
Latias used Dragon Pulse.
Vaporeon lost 54% of its health.
Vaporeon used Ice Beam.
In case you didn’t know, it's super effective!
Latias lost 27% of its health.
The sandstorm rips and tears!
Vaporeon munched on some lefties!
Well that failed. And it looks like his Latias doesn’t carry Thunderbolt. Not that it matters; I was able to scout his Latias and do minimal damage. I’m guessing he’ll predict a switch and use Recover, so I decide to go with Scizor. He has Pursuit and Bullet Punch, and provided Latias recovers on the switch, should be able to KO her with a Pursuit/Bullet Punch combo.
Hyperbeem: phew
Grasskicker: Yep
So he knows I don’t have toxic. That was his biggest concern, and I’m in trouble. But if I can pull off this switch, his Latias will be shut down.
Grasskicker switched in Soldier (lvl 100 Scizor who is still ♂).
Latias used Recover like the Uber it is.
Latias restored 45% of its health.
The sandstorm rips and tears more than cheap underwear!
Yesss! I pull off the switch and prepare my Scizor for a violent faceoff. I ain’t goin’ down without a fight. No sir.
Latias used Surf, which it has no business learning.
Scizor lost 62% of its health.
Scizor used Pursuit.
Latias lost 53% of its health.
The sandstorm …still …rages.
Excellent. Latias has been countered. Hyperbeem can’t switch because of Pursuit, although he might risk it if he thinks I’ll BP. I’ll decide to BP, even if it means letting go of Latias, because I predict he’ll assume I’m using Pursuit on his fleeing form. I would usually use Pursuit anyway, so hopefully this will work out.
Scizor used Bullet Punch.
Latias was pwned.
Hyperbeem's Latias fainted.
The sandstorm …nevermind.
Whew …go irregular behavior! He called that Pursuit based on my typical action. Or maybe he thought the risk was worth it. Either way, that Bullet Punch nailed his beast, and the world has (for this match) been rid of another misplaced Uber.
Hyperbeem switched in Germrachi (lvl 100 Sad Excuse for a Pokémon).
Pointed stones dug into Jirkrachi.
Jirkrachi lost 6.25% of its health.
Grasskicker: Yay!
My response to KOing Latias.
Grasskicker: ...
My response to Jirkrachi.
Grasskicker switched in Doctor Doom (lvl 100 Heatran ♀).
Once again, I felt Doctor Doom would be best suited to deal with this moronic fairy.
Jirkrachi used Substitute.
Jirkrachi lost 25% of its health.
And (drum roll) Jirkrachi made a substitute!
There is a sandstorm. It rages.
Jirkrachi digested some trail mix!
Great. He predicted the incredibly obvious switch and created a sub. Hopefully my Heatran will scare him off after I break the sub.
Jirkrachi used Iron Head.
It's not very effective...
Heatran lost 7% of its health.
Heatran used Magma Storm.
It's super duper effective!
The substitute sacrificially took damage for Jirkrachi!
Jirkrachi's substitute faded into oblivion!
Guess what the sandstorm does.
Jirkrachi ate some more Leftovers!
So this is a haxrachi! But it seems to be of the T-Wave variety.
Grasskicker: Oh no...
Grasskicker: IRON HEAD!
Haxrachi made another substitute.
Heatran used Will-o-wisp.
But it failed!
The sandstorm rages like a congressman in the minority.
Haxrachi polished off some beef jerky!
Great. I mispredicted. I didn’t think Jirachi would stay in. Which is why Hyperbeem kept it in. He knows my team. He knows I’ll Will-o-Wisp incomers. He’s trying to stall for as long as possible.
I remind myself that I must be unpredictable – and continue the battle.
Haxrachi used Iron Head.
It did squat.
Heatran used Earth Power.
It's super effective!
Germrachi’s substitute was annihilated!
The sandstorm rages like Michael Moore.
Haxrachi took a gander at some celery. It’s on a diet.
Well, I haven’t been flinching …why is he staying in? I guess as long as he has a sub, there’s no reason not to. But I have no reason to switch out, either. I stay in and try to keep this thing from wrecking my team.
Grasskicker: Hyperbeem, you're not playing like usual.
Haxrachi used Iron Head. Again.
It's about as effective as bipartisan spending.
Heatran lost a whopping 7% of its health.
Heatran flinched!
The sandstorm rages like Ann Coulter.
Haxrachi bit into some cheesecake. The diet wasn’t working.
I said this because he was taking unnecessary risks and not switching out when it would make sense to. Yes, one could say he was predicting a switch, but honestly, his risks were too great.
Hyperbeem: lol
Hyperbeem: im just chillin today
Haxrachi used Iron Head.
It's still not very effective.
Heatran lost another 7% of its health.
Heatran flinched out of pity!
This time, the sandstorm doesn’t rage. Instead, it blows violently.
Haxrachi scarfed down some Twinkies.
So he’s not really trying that hard! Interesting …why is that?
Grasskicker: Gotcha
Hyperbeem: gotta ladder for fun
Hyperbeem: That’s the whole point of Pokémon.
(Bold and correct spelling added)
Grasskicker: Mmm
Grasskicker: You're right.
Wow. That is HUGE. I’ve been playing way too seriously this whole time. Maybe we forget too often that Pokémon is just a game for fun. Lighten up, you know? It’s good to have fun and just chill. This is something I forget all too often, and such a reminder was probably the high point of the battle for me. Now, whenever I’m grumpy, I remember that laddering is just for fun. It’s really not that important!
Haxrachi used Iron Head yet again.
As usual, Heatran lost 7% of its health.
Also as usual, Heatran flinched!
The sandstorm rages like a sandstorm.
Haxrachi drew from its apparently infinite supply of Leftovers.
At this point, I am incredulous regarding the flinch rate. What is the deal? This is hilarious, outrageous, or both. I’m stubborn, so I stay in.
Haxrachi used Iron Head.
Heatran flinched!
More sandstorm action.
Haxrachi chews on some tobacco.
Haxrachi pumped out another Substitute.
Heatran used Earth Power, shredding the sub.
The sandstorm rages evermore.
Haxrachi's tobacco restored its health a little!
Haxrachi used Iron Head.
Heatran flinched!
Haxrachi abused Iron Head.
Heatran is paralyzed! It can't move!
Haxrachi takes a sip of whiskey.
Haxrachi made another sub!
Heatran destroyed it with Earth Power!
The sandstorm rages like this battle.
Haxrachi enjoys some Vodka.
Haxrachi overused Iron Head.
Heatran flinched!
Heatran’s IQ was lowered!
Grasskicker switched in Mermaid (lvl 100 Vaporeon ♀).
Its Hidden Power Type is still Electric. It hasn’t changed.
I switched Vap in because Tran was down to the last 30 or so percent of her health. Looking back, it was a dumb move; I should have known Vap wouldn’t fare well.
Haxrachi smashed Vaporeon with its Iron Head.
It's really ineffective...
Vaporeon lost 18% of its health.
Vaporeon gets badgered by the sandstorm!
Vaporeon and Haxrachi have a BBQ!
Haxrachi used Thunder Wave.
Vaporeon is paralyzed! It won’t be able to move!
Vaporeon is paralyzed! It can't move!
Behold the sandstorm, which rages.
Vaporeon loses some health to a particularly cheeky grain of sand.
Vaporeon and Haxrachi eat some chili.
I briefly consider switching, but know that if I can just pull off one wish, Heatran will be healed. After all, Haxrachi can’t flinch me every time, right?
Haxrachi used Iron Head.
Vaporeon lost 16% of its health.
Vaporeon flinched! It can’t move!
The sands swirl violently to form what is called a sandstorm.
Vaporeon and Haxrachi have an eating contest.
Haxrachi spammed Iron Head.
Grasskicker's Vaporeon fainted from incredulity.
The sandstorm rages.
Haxrachi stopped by Good Times and got some frozen custard to celebrate.
Grasskicker: This is kind of ridiculous.
Hyperbeem: yeah
Hyperbeem: but hilarious lol
Grasskicker: I have literally flinched every single time.
Actually, there were two or three times where I didn’t flinch.
Grasskicker: There is so much hax here...
At this point, I was ready to ragequit. I was so annoyed…
But then I remembered that Pokémon is about having fun. And I can always laugh about this and warstory it, right? I stayed in. Thank you, Hyperbeem.
Grasskicker switched in Doctor Doom (lvl 100 Heatran ♀).
Haxrachi used Iron Head (surprise!).
Heatran made an inscrutable noise!
Haxrachi popped in some bubblegum.
Grasskicker: Wow.
Grasskicker: I am saving this log.
Hyperbeem: totally
Grasskicker: The day haxrachi flinched Heatran to death.
Hyperbeem: yeo
Haxrachi subbed because it was at full health.
Heatran used Earth Power to vent his anger.
Haxrachi’s sub was obliterated.
The sandstorm rages.
Haxrachi’s bubblegum restored its health a little!
Haxrachi used Iron Head.
A critical hit!
Heatran lost a whole 16% of its health.
Heatran used Earth Power.
It's super effective!
Haxrachi lost 58% of its health.
Haxrachi's special defense was lowered. Which really matters.
The sandstorm …well, it rages.
Haxrachi broke into a pack of gummy bears.
I finally hit it! I did! I opted for Earth Power because I figured that, with my luck, Magma Storm would probably miss. That meant sacrificing the KO, but whatever. I have backup.
Grasskicker: Oh man!
Grasskicker: Guess you can't have two haxes at once.
Grasskicker: One at a time.
Grasskicker: :-P
Hyperbeem: lol
Haxrachi used Iron Head.
Heatran flinched!
As it turns out, the sandstorm rages.
Haxrachi smoked a cigar.
Grasskicker: This is priceless.
Grasskicker: But I missed the beginning.
Grasskicker: So I can't warstory it...
Haxrachi used Iron Head.
Grasskicker's Heatran died from lead poisoning.
The sandstorm continues to rage.
Haxrachi fed on Heatran’s body.
Well, there she goes. Sad, but apparently inevitable. Now it’s time to revenge kill.
Hyperbeem: no
Grasskicker switched in Batman (lvl 100 Gliscor ♂).
Hyperbeem: press save log
Hyperbeem: gets whole thing
Grasskicker: Really?
Grasskicker: Okay.
Grasskicker’s 6th Pokémon
The Dark Knight

Batman is shutdown and setup. He is the terror of the night. The fang that pierces flesh and the tremor in the Earth. He is the Batman.
Batman used Earthquake.
It's super effective!
Haxrachi lost 41% of its health.
Hyperbeem's Haxrachi died writhing in agony.
The sandstorm buries its corpse.
Finally …it’s dead. It is dead at last. It’s …it’s dead! Dead! Yes! DEAD!
Hyperbeem switched in Togekiss (lvl 100 Togekiss?).
Hyperbeem’s 5th Pokémon
The killer Easter egg

Togekiss has got to be one of the cheapest, most annoying Pokémon in the game. She has so many different options, but you can almost bet good money on which one she’ll choose. In this case, I’m expecting a full Togepiss set, which typically constitutes Togekiss flinching the opponent to its grave. Still, she might use Nasty Plot first. You never know.
Pointed stones dug into Togepiss.
Togepiss lost a quarter of its health.
Grasskicker: Saved it.
(The record)
Grasskicker: Hopefully!
Hyperbeem: lol
Batman used Ice Fang.
It's super effective!
A critical hit!
A sensational strike!
Togepiss lost 41% of its health.
Togepiss used Body Slam.
Batman lost 12% of its health.
Batman is paralyzed by Togepiss’s cheapness! It may be unable to move!
The sandstorm throws everyone for a spin and starts blowing the other way.
Togepiss also has leftovers!
Since my Scizor has only 8%, my Heatran, Vaporeon and Jolteon are KOed, and my Froslass won’t enjoy switching in, I figure Ice Fang is a safe bet. Of course, I’m getting pretty desperate by now, as I know this could be game.
Grasskicker: Your team is lovin' hax tactics today!
Togepiss used Air Slash.
Batman lost 38% of its health.
Batman flinched!
Togepiss is violently buffeted by the sandstorm!
Togepiss eats some of the sand!
I briefly consider switching out, then realize I can still get an Ice Fang in. After all, Togepiss can’t flinch me every time, right?
Hyperbeem: yep
Togepiss slashed the air.
Batman lost 34% of its health.
Batman flinched!
Togepiss is harassed by the sandstorm!
Togepiss starts drinking its own piss.
Togepiss used Make Opponent Flinch.
Batman hit the dust in slow motion.
Grasskicker's Batman is dead. At least until the next movie.
Togepiss is hurt by sand!
Togepiss ate some Doritos.
Well, there you go. Why am I surprised.
Grasskicker switched in Lassie (lvl 100 Froslass, who is now somehow ♂).
Lassie used Ice Beam.
Lassie blew Togepiss into Oblivion!
The sandstorm suddenly stops, but Tyranitar’s ghost returns to start it up again.
Hyperbeem switched in Machamp (lvl 100 Machamp ♂).
Pointed stones dug into Machamp.
Machamp lost 6.25% of its health.
Grasskicker: It's up to you, Lassie-
And then I see the Machamp.
Grasskicker: Oh, crap.
Hyperbeem’s 6th Pokémon
Death is in the air

This Pokémon is the single greatest threat my team has ever known. His unreasonable bulk and insane attack power have shredded my team to pieces on countless occasions. Hardly a time has passed – if ever – where I was able to get rid of him without losing at least one team member. Now I have two Pokémon left, and one has 8%. Not promising.
Desperate, I decide to do the one thing Hyperbeem won’t expect: I do the incredibly obvious Destiny Bond. Hyperbeem has seen me use it before, and has punished me monstrously. Thus, it is likely he does not expect me to use it again. But I’m trying to be unexpected, and if I can pull this Destiny Bond off, the game is mine.
Lassie used Destiny Bond.
Lassie is trying to take its foe with it!
Machamp used Payback.
Machamp paid off his debts!
Lassie lost 94% of its health.
Grasskicker's Lassie fainted.
Lassie took Machamp with it!
Hyperbeem's Machamp’s soul was dragged into darkness.
Grasskicker somehow wins!
Hyperbeem: lol
Grasskicker: Yeah!
Grasskicker: gg
Hyperbeem has left the room.
Grasskicker: :P
The sandstorm rages, even though the battle is over.

So that’s the story of one of the most meaningful, if not the most meaningful, battle(s) I have ever had. Maybe you didn’t like this warstory, or maybe you thought it was boring. But I figured I would share it because hey, we all get a little carried away sometimes. And it’s good to be able to laugh at incredible hax.
Besides, you never know if you just might win anyway.

Thanks, Hyperbeem!

His Eminence Lord Poppington II

proverb:the fish who eats most dies still too
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For a high-ranked ladder match it wasn't very good (then again it was on a different server). There was like 3 switches throughout the entire match or something, not to mention the format is hard to follow and the pictures are way too big and inconsistently used. On the actual match --> you expect too much for a paralyzed pokemon being subjected to flinchhax, was thoroughly un-entertaining and although I can't say it's haxy because that's what jirachi and togekiss DO it was still poor.
This was a pretty nice warstory - unfortunately you posted it in the wrong generation subforum XD. Anyway, your commentary was really good, amusing and explanatory at once. Battle was okay until the hax bits set in, which were only carried by your commentary.

The bits I really liked were your use of unusual pictures (but make them all similar sizes and use spacing between them and wording), as well as the situation - that you were facing someone who knew your team very well. Good job, basically, just look for a less haxxy and hence boring battle next time.
Would just like to point out that flinching that many times is actually common- Jirachi has Serenade Grace, just like Togekiss, and Iron Head has a 30% chance to flinch, just like Air Slash.
You are trooper. I would have rage quit a looooooong time ago but it was worth the read. I enjoyed your explanation of each pokemon and the amount of lulz you put into context. 8.5/10


Banned deucer.
I'm sorry, I came to read this as I thought it would be good but I seriously couldn't figure out what was what. You need smaller pictures (sprites are best), and blank space is actually your friend.

Format 3/10
The battle was decent, with some pretty good predictions. I really enjoyed the commentary and how you switched up the text in the log to make it more entertaining.
The formatting was definitely an issue, though. It's better to use smaller pics, and even better is have them for each turn, or at least each turn a new Pokemon switches in.

Overall, I enjoyed it. Work on your picture placement, and your future warstories will be even better.

On the other hand, losing my Jolteon to a scarf’d Tyranitar would be a horrible waste
Jolteon outruns scarftar anyways, assuming Timid, so scarf isn't something Jolteon would have to worry about. It would be CB or SpD that you would want to watch for.
Very entertaining warstory, the commentary made me laugh, the battle was good. My only nitpick is about the formatting but otherwise I enjoyed it. 8/10
Format fail, generation fail, but otherwise an ok battle. Could've done better for a bunch of 1400+'s.

(btw where has Stark Mountain gone...? I assume we are to post in Ruins of Alph now?)
The format was terrible and ruined an otherwise enjoyable read. Remember, space is your friend and smaller pictures wouldn't hurt either. Good luck in the future.
Needs percentages, formatting needs work (line spacing is your friend). "Paralysed" is British spelling, "paralyzed" is American. Both are correct.
You really should have more pics not just when things come in. The wall of text feeling was definitely there. Also, don't stay in against Rachi while paralyzed and expect to hit a reasonable amount of times. IT'S A JIRACHI. You don't want to get flinched to death by Jerkrachi.

Love the commenting and the changing up of the log. It was an incredibly fun read and I liked how vaporeon and Jirachi had an eating contest.
9/10 and a luvdisc.
OMG, that log was funny...

... Fortunately, I was analyzing your playing styles and yes, there weren't many switches. Worse: no double-switching. I was also surprised to find both Haxrachi and Togehax in the SAME team. Formatting is quite light too: no percentages, some pics thrown here and there but the comments were right.

A last thing: this kind of battles should go to SM, not here.

What's with the bumping a thread that's been long dead...?

Either way, pictures were unsightly and drew away from the actual warstory... Which in itself may have been a good thing, considering the amount of useless logs that were included.

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